I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
