If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
