U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
