He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize