I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
