im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
