what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
