I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
