Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
grandma shit on top of the toilet
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
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