before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Terrible idea I love it
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
