I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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