Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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