covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
