I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
