Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
And my parents said I crawled through the house
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
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