Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I think I won the penis lottery.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Randomize
