a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
