I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
