my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
