mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Randomize
