we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Randomize