At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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