I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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