WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
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