She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
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