in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I just found a bag of teeth...
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
