she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Never underestimate the power of titties
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
