2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
