Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
