I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
