WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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