Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
