my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
