i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
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