what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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