Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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