my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
