I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
