if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Randomize