Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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