So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
