can we get nightvision for the apartment?
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
