your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
