Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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