ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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