some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
