Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Randomize
