we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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