I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Randomize
