3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
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