he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
