loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
