DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
