i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
