dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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