so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize