How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
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