Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
