do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
