What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
