all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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