That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
