Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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