Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I'm bleeding and have questions
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
