just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
