And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
