Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
