I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
