no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
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