I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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